Hair styles and handlebars

Rarely in this life have I been original or creative enough to come up with my own idea for something spectacular. Rather, I've made an art of mooching, leaning upon, borrowing, and straight up stealing concepts from others. Didn't someone say "Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery?" Thus I bring you, Bike Snob Columbia Missouri (Co-Mo for short). And isn't Co-Mo rather close to the word 'chromoly'? And while we're on it - what the hell is 'chromoly' anyway? Chromoly is a popular alloy steel, also known as 4130 steel, used to make bike frames for years. Although its use has been eclipsed over the years by the introduction of other non-ferrous metals and composites, its desirability (versus, say 1020 or plain carbon steel) comes from its weldability, formability, strength, ductility and toughness. The word chromoly is actually derived from the words 'chromium' and 'molybdenum' which it possesses in higher concentrations. But I digress.

The reason I've come to learn these little tidbits about chromoly now, amidst the age of bicycle frame enlightenment when bike shop windows are adorned in aluminum, titanium and carbon fiber, is because I'm wading in the waters of converting an old bike frame into a single-speed. Actually, it will likely be a combination of fixie and single-speed if I choose to put a flip-flop hub on said machine. Which leads me to this, a most apprioriate introduction to this cheap, mid-western, slower-witted version of the mastery that is the blog of one 'Bike Snob NYC'.

Cyclists are odd, odd ducks, to say the least, ever craving for the creation of new levels of snobbery, niches of subculture speciality and novel ways to segregate themselves from the greater populus of those that choose to transport themselves on lesser two-wheeled chariots (insert picture of me here). This seems to be especially true for the fixed gear cyclists (or fixie), especially if they've built the fixie themselves. So special is this tribe, that they've created their own vocabulary of terms. Standing on the brink of the strange and oddly alluring chasm that is the fixie counterculture, I am now faced with not only learning how to ride in a single gear, but also mastering the language that this breed of cyclist uses. It is stangely intoxicating. Such things have been around a long, long time....and yet I find myself just catching up with this now, a late comer to an already swinging party. I therefore bring you a sampling of the words which I am myself only just now learning. Slinging these terms about like I know of what I speak admitedly makes me want to give up my day job and ride in heavy traffic with a pegged pant leg, grow mutton chops and be the proud owner of a very greasy Campy cycling cap pulled very low. I want in the club. And yet - I am not cool enough to be given the password. Yet.

flip-flop hub (n)- a hub on a reversible wheel which possesses dual gears, which can allow the bike to either be a fixed gear, or a single-speed free wheel.

flop and chop (v)- to reverse the drops of a set of road handle bars and chop them off, creating an urbanified set of bullhorns.

Lawyer lips (n)- not particular to the fixie craze, but still a damned fine term that describes the bumps on the fork ends or rear drops that keep the wheel semi-attached even if using a quick-release skewer, thus hopefully providing a secondary retention system if you haven't secured your quick release lever appropriately.

Rattle-can (v)- a term not limited to cyclists, but to any refinisher of anything describing essentially spray paint. As in "we can just rattle-can the stripped frame."

Is it mere coincidence that in the above passage, the terms 'flop' and 'chop' were each used twice: 'flip-flop hub', 'flop and chop', and 'mutton-chop'? Note that two of these terms describe bike accoutrement, and one describes a hair style. Interestingly, some bike parts, handlebar styles in fact, are also named after hair styles. I bring you the moustache handle bars, which are also finding their way onto fixies.

Feeling rather an outsider in this hipster world of fixie-dom, I'm wondering if my own invention would somehow bring me some instant credibility, thus I'm currently experimenting with novel handle bar / facial hair combinations. The photo below depicts a brave soul who has agreed to be my guinea pig in this endeavor. I'm protecting his anonymity, but you may find him serving in civil war re-enactments around mid-Missouri. He's new to this, so is forced by his commanding officer to always have to be one of the guys who plays dead. (I'm guessing he may be confined to lower ranks as long as he continues to sport the plaid pants and persists in macking on garlic bread first thing in the morning, however). At any rate, he is sporting my new creation: The Mutton Flops to be worn with a wool cycling cap and a cravat while cycling.

This is not to be confused with a 'flopped mutton' which is something different altogether.

Until next time - pedal on, bitches.