Week in Review Quiz

At the end of each week, I will be compiling cycling stories, interesting products and other random thoughts that I’ve been mulling over in addition to reviewing some stuff we’ve covered over the previous week in a quiz-style format, much like our beloved BSNYC. Yes, yes – I know. More shameless ripping off. But hey, there’s nothing new under the sun.

Question #1 has two parts:  #1a: What is this animal?


a) The world’s largest hamster
b) Man-Bear-Pig!
c) Monkey-Fish-Frog!
d) A javelina

Question #1b: Who is this guy?

a) Greg LeMond's love child with Yanni
b) Guy Fawkes IV
c) Timothy Kissida
d) Tyler Hamilton’s unborn twin.

Answers: d) and c).  The first picture is of a javelina, which is what Mr. Timothy Kissida (pictured above) claimed he hit with his car, thereby trashing the ’92 BMW prompting him to try to turn it into the Cash for Clunkers program in Phoenix recently. In actuality, Mr. Kissida had just hit and killed cyclist Charles Waldrop who was riding home from work on his bike as reported by the Phoenix New Times.  Kissida thought he could hide the evidence of his damaged car by trading it in quickly.  Mr. Kissida was discovered by some astute sales managers, arrested, and then smothered in rhubarb jam and fed to a hoarde of hungry javelinas.  (I wish).


Question #2: What is the significance of the funky new textured green bike lanes in Columbia?

a) They are warning strips that vibrate the bike thereby waking a fatigued cyclist up before reaching an intersection.

b) They are part of the onramp for the new bike lanes on I-70.

c) They were painted green by the Coatilion of Harassing Motorists as 'free-reign' zones.  Tagging a cyclist in these zones earns you a free sausage MacMuffin at all participating MacDonalds.

d) This is part of a govenment experiment!!!

Answer:  d).  We are guinea pigs, kids.  In a document prepared by the City of Columbia, Missouri Non-Motorized Transportation Pilot Program (NMTTP) entitled "Request to Experiment: Use of Colored Pavement Markings on On-Street Bikeways" the following is detailed:  "The City of Columbia proposes to apply a combination of solid and dashed green pavement markings, consisting of a slip-resistant retro-reflective material, at 12 locations where these problem areas exist.  Bike lanes would continue to be marked with standard white striping and pavement stencils....Solid markings are intended to alert motorists to yeild to bicyclists before crossing a dedicated bike lane.  Dashed markings are intended to indicate a shared vehicle/bicycle space, with eash user yielding the right-of-way according to the Vehicle Code."  More here.

Question #3: What is this cyclist doing?

a) escaping the State Prison on a stolen street cruiser.

b) signalling a left turn to Old-Hippyville (He's british - so is using the opposite hand).

c) Is partaking in a new cycling event: Shirtless co-ed drag racing.

d) Is participating in the St. Louis World Naked Bike Ride 2009.

 
Answer: d).  On August 15, riders 'dared to bare' in protest to the world's dependency on fossil fuels as they rolled out of Tower Grove Park at 9 p.m.  Photo credit to Egan O'Keefe who prepared a slideshow of the event which can be veiwed at The Riverfront Times website. Now let me warn you, kids.  I've reviewed this slideshow extensively.  It is not only NSFW (Not Safe For Work), but many photos are NSFYR (Not Safe For Your Retinas).  In contemplating whether we need to have a Columbia World Naked Bike Ride, I have come to the realization that 93.2% of cyclists that show up and bare all are COGs (Creepy Old Guys).  Thus, my vote is 'No.'

Exhibit A

Question #4:  What is wrong in this picture?

a) Piss-yellow helmets should never be worn with navy blue unless you go to the University of Michigan, in  which case you probably ride a Huffy.

b) The chin strap is abrading his left cornea.

c) The riders head is on backwards.

d) The blue hoodie appears to be made of 100% cotton, which is otherwise known as the "death fabric" for how it retains sweat and doesn't breathe.

Answer:  e) All of the above.  Yes - it was a trick question.  This guy is in perfect condition to ride the 20 mile version of the Ann Arbor MS150 backwards.

 

Tally up your score!  If you got 4 out of 4 correct.  Treat yourself to one of these:

Ok - seriously, America.  WTF?  Chocolate chip pancakes, surrounding a preservative and sodium laden sausage on a stick?  Why not just admit yourself to the Cardiac Unit of the local hospital before you start macking on one of these and save some work for the ambulance drivers.

Pedal on!