Responses to bicyclist harassment law

Readers, I feel compelled to write to you today out of frustration. I’m quite sure everyone is very familiar with the law the city of Columbia recently passed, and then subsequently agreed NOT to suspend and postpone, regarding the harassment of cyclists. This made big, big news. So much so that Levi Leipheimer tweeted about it! These were contentious decisions to say the least, if the editorial comments printed on the Columbia Missourian website are any measure.

With such controversial issues, I think it’s probably wise to walk (or ride as the case may be) in the Sidi’s of someone from the other side for a while to make sure we, as cyclists, are not being narrow-minded.

It was with this in mind that I approached the situation I encountered while out riding the Big Tree Loop this evening. As I crested a hill on UU, I was met by a red pick-up truck coming over the hill in the opposite direction. Almost as soon as I saw the truck, I noticed it to begin crossing the double yellow line coming directly toward me. I suddenly got very nervous wondering if this poor driver was suffering some kind of illness to make him drive so erratically. As the truck approached, and I wondered if I would have to head for the ditch, the truck veered off at the very last moment and the driver began yelling profanities through his open window while glaring at me. He seemed to be quite distressed. Now I ask you, what would have happened if he had hit me? Considering the speed of the vehicle, this poor chap would have rearranged the front end of his truck. He would, at the very least, have suffered a busted grill and trashed bumper no doubt. What a waste!

I think it is with these same thoughts that one Mr. Ray Shapiro recently wrote multiple response comments to the Columbia Missourian after the paper published a series of articles detailing the recently passed anti-cycling harassment law.

Ray Shapiro writes and I quote:

“It is obvious that this town needs a motorist coalition/lobbying group to protect those that drive cars in this town.” 8/18/09 1:51 PM.

I say here, here Ray! The vulnerability that so many drivers must experience behind the wheels of their 2000lb steel cars with airbags and seatbelts when faced with a skinny-ass cyclist on a flimsy piece of aluminum is just simply no longer acceptable. I mean, think about it. We, the cyclists, wear helmets!!! Helmets, people! How many drivers are offered such protection?

Mr. Shapiro continues.

“If the state wanted to protect spandex wearers, they would have already included them as a protected species.” 8/19/09 1:42 AM

Well spandex has long been a fashion abomination in general. Ray has another point here. Clearly, he is insinuating we convert back to the days of breathable wool kit. See clothing lines by Rapha. Ray, are you OK with wool?

Mr. Shapiro then offers the following supposition:

“How about we pass a bicycle sobriety/stoner ordinance which advocates for CPD to have drug sniffing canines whiff bicycle backpacks. You know, sort of like those motorist sobriety check points us drivers happily endure.” 8/19/09 4:51 AM

Oh Ray, I think you’ve hit this one out of the park. I have to admit to you (and I’m not proud of this) I have upon occasion been dropped in sprint training rides by hairy-legged individuals wearing jerseys advertising their favorite beer (can you imagine?). Therefore I think we need to expand the drug sniffing capacity of those doggies to include EPO, CERA and testosterone as well. Can we do that? I know some of these guys I ride with are doping. I just know it.

At any rate, I finished my ride this evening relatively unscathed, and as I rode up Forum Blvd. nearing the intersection at Stadium, what did I see?

That’s right – a dedicated, well-marked, bike lane not only outlined by white reflective paint, but specially paved with some sweet grippy green stuff too! My initial excitement waned rapidly, however, as I can only imagine what Ray must think about this…..more cyclist pandering by a city government tainted by the evil forces of PedNet and Get About Columbia.

Thus, I cry out to my cyclist compatriots: We are cyclists! We are gladiators of two-wheeled chariots. Our shoulders are broad. We dance in traffic in spandex and laugh at the onslaught of speeding SUVs. Surely we can take a little horn-honking, a little verbal harassment, the occasional thrown beer bottle and trucks pushing us into ditches! We can do without the sweet grippy green stuff in the designated bike lane! Think of Ray, people. Poor, helmetless Ray.